This list of ways in which I wanted to change change was endless. There was always one more thing. Then what? Would I be ‘perfect’? Okay? Passable? Acceptable? And by whom? The world? The person I was dating?
I won’t fault myself for wanting to improve but my thought process was out of order. Until I could fully accept myself in the present moment- no change was going to take place. Meditation allows for the present moment to be whatever it is. In those moments I’ve been able to decide whether change is necessary or if the longing to change is simply a distraction from my true feelings. On some days this is liberating. On others its terrifying. But what it isn’t is false or without intention.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.