I don’t love practicing in the morning. This means of course that I learn big lessons. I think this is what happens when you don’t move mindfully or meet life with resistance.
During the commuter crush hour people move faster that they need to. I can’t help but wonder if it’s really being in a rush?
Ego disguised as I’m so busy feels more honest.
An older woman was slowly walking down the steps. Her cane was wobbly but she was steady. A guy next to me kept trying to move past her. As I retell the story I want to use an adjective describe his actions and movements but that would really only be my perception of what I thought he was doing and not what he was actually doing.
I was slightly annoyed. Okay I was very annoyed. Annoyed because I was frustrated at breaking my flow and having to slow down. So it made sense to transfer that feeling than to acknowledge it in myself.
Self-awareness is a bitch, yo.
As I consciously turned on being mindful, the more annoyed I became with my walk to the studio.
No one seemed to be paying attention to anything. A guy on a bike screamed at a cab driver. A woman rolled her eyes at a mom pushing a stroller in the middle of the sidewalk.
And everyone turned to glare at the tourists in the middle of the street.
I exhale at the studio and see one of my favorite teachers! Phew.
But she’s taking class, not teaching.
Shit. I can’t win for losing at it’s not even noon.
B, a teacher I’ve only had once before focused on slowing down every movement.
At the very start of class this started.
I wish I could make this stuff up.
As I looked up at the ceiling I said to myself, ‘Okay Universe I get it. Slow down. You made your point. Can we move on now and get to the next thing?’
And so the rest of class went.
Time didn’t just slow, it stopped.
It was one of the most thorough classes I have ever taken.
And with good reason.
I realize every day that I know less and less.
With eyes and judgement looking out instead of in, I’m part of the problem and not the solution.
Eyes open, heart open.