Dear Gorgeous Genius…
Your holiest pain comes from your yearning to change yourself in the exact way you’d like the world around you to change….
Your sweet spot is in between the true believers and the scoffing skeptics….
Today I stopped myself from chasing the yoga dragon.
When I first started yoga, my asana practice was physical and was what most mattered. I was keen on finding the shape rather that breathing into the space of it.
Besides understanding that most of yoga happens when I’m off the mat, I’ve learned to let my practice be whatever it’s supposed to be.
Usually. (That’ the goal)
You may know what I mean- you may not.
There’s the first time that an asana practice cracks you open.
It’s like rebirth, sex or a damn bursting. You are inside a pose and make a slight adjustment.
The rush of feelings is overwhelming…
You say to yourself, This. Is. Awesome.
It happened to me in Camel Pose. And I loved it. Sometimes I felt euphoric.
Sometimes I felt incredibly sad. But then it left me. Leaving me to feel- elated.
Once I burst out in tears.
Once I felt like a warrior.
Mostly I feel peace.
Sometimes I’m cranky.
It can start to feel like you need to go after a feeling.
As someone who never thought she’d give up smoking I know of what I speak.
My asana practice has helped me through dark times. I remember days when making it my mat was therapy.
But yoga can be addictive. I can get addicted to feeling good.
In extreme cases, an asana practice replaces living life.
I’ve danced there. When I was really into my practice, I did nothing but practice and practice.
There are times when it’s appropriate to push. But when life becomes about the pushing and not what comes after- we begin to wade in murky waters.
When your asana practice becomes all there is- you’ve got to do some investigation.
The fancy, technical term for this is called- hiding.
Sorry I’ve wandered.
Let’s float back to earlier. Take my hand I’ll guide you back to my class.
I warmed up. I could feel that I was a little tight, but my breathing was light.
As my practice was winding down I set up for Ustrasana. My mind was feeling cloudy. Both consciously and unconsciously I wondered if I pushed just a smidge (harder than I needed to) maybe I’d find something- awesome.
The thing about yoga is…it’s important to be in the moment- no need to chase waterfalls.
That’s what my yoga is about.
This was a big aha for me- recognizing that going for feeling awesome may not be what I need in the moment.
So I stayed. And it was what it was. Which is exactly what it was supposed to be.