My Peaceful War With Peaceful Warrior

peaceful warrior

My lessons are best learned with a sprinkle of  struggle a la salt people. I prefer this amazing flaked sea salt, Maldon. Have you heard of it? It’s pricey but you don’t need as much and it has a distinct taste that makes me tap my feet. That doesn’t really matter I suppose, since the conversation is about lessons and not salt, but for those of you looking for something new you can’t go wrong with Maldon.

*squirrel*

Peaceful Warrior.

It sounds so serene, Peaceful Warrior. And leading up to Peaceful Warrior is a joy. I enjoy Virabhdrasana (Warrior) I and II. A workshop with one of my favorite teacher helped make my warrior stance strong. Now, I feel triumphant and firm on both legs and with my arms raised and hips squared off, I can hear my ujjyai breath indeed sounding like the ocean.

InhaleExhale

Teachers cue you to push back on the outer edge of the foot. Before I didn’t understand that, but as I push on the edge of my back foot, my torso rises. I feel as if I could hold this pose forever.

I ‘get it’ when I’m in Warrior I and II. I feel like I’m part of everything- past, present and future.

And even as awkward as it feels to transition from Warrior I to Warrior II, I still feel courageous and beautiful.

Until…

Until that dreaded moment when I flip the palm reach forward and tip back into Peaceful Warrior.

Ugh. Even typing this has me feeling aggravated.

Maybe it’s because my shoulders are tight. Actually I’m sure it’s because my shoulders are tight. Because of surgery, the front of my right shoulder doesn’t open willingly. It makes binds and any motion when I have to tip back very awkward.

More specifically it brings up feelings of inadequacy.

Learning to be with those feelings would probably be helpful, but I’m too busy wondering when I can move out of the pose to worry about nonsense like you know, inner peace.

That’s not exactly right.

I recognize the insecure feelings but feel the need to zip past them and move onto the next thing.

I know I should stay. I know that if I could give into the icky space, it would feel less icky.

What we resist, persists.

I always (yes always) feel better when I let go of resisting. Maybe by writing about it, I’m starting that process of letting go. Growth happens in the midst of struggle.

And honestly now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m almost ready to give in to Peaceful Warrior.

Almost.

Baby steps folks.

This is yoga. And you know I love it.

Namaste y’all.

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