I’m teaching a 30 minute class in a few days to my teacher and fellow trainees. Can you hear my heart beating a million miles per minute? It’s not fear but more of a fear and excitement cocktail (Shaken). The only way to do it is to do it. I don’t have a fear of public speaking (people who know me are snorting in agreement). And I love yoga. And I know that this is what I want to do. There’s a strange place that I inhabit right before that leap into the right thing. I hesitate, both enjoying the moment and slightly intimidated by the knowledge that you can’t unring the bell.
I’ve been practicing in my head for days now and while the dog doesn’t make a great student, I’m pretty sure Dakota is ready to do sun salutations if it means I’ll be quiet. 30 minutes goes by more quickly than you would think when you are teaching. A warm-up, a few vinyasas, belly-downs, then savasana and boom- it’s over. I’m over thinking the process. Obsessively, I’m combing through my music library trying to find songs that match with my personality, the poses and the studio. Weird I know, but as a former bookseller I used to dance with glee when booksellers set up tables with great subjects and covers with colors that complimented each other, so it’s clear I have a few issues.
I like to teach. I always have. Communicating a thought and exchanging ideas is my favorite way to pass the time. Guiding students through a yoga practice is just that so I should chill. I think I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself, but if I fall on my face I’ll be faced with deciding if teaching yoga is a bad idea. Intelligently, I know this isn’t a likely outcome. One of my teachers talks a lot about ‘leaning into fear’.
It’s like I’m at the top of the roller coaster and that click, click sound slows down just before you drop. In fact, even as I write this I’m nodding because this comparison is exactly what I’m feeling as I prep for my practice class, I’m excited and terrified. Most of all- I’m ready, because I know I’m for an amazing ride.
I’ll let you know how it goes.