Any movement/action that takes you out of your comfort zone has the ability to bring hidden emotions to the surface. It’s this way with yoga, particularly with poses that expose the chest and heart chakra. Fear, joy, happiness and anxiety can surge out of nowhere. It’s something that yoga teachers are trained to spot. Yoga teachers aren’t therapists, but it’s important to know how poses can affect you and your students.
There was lots of discussion about root causes of poses not being done properly and how a correction can be life changing and even overwhelming. No sooner did we have this talk that I had a correction done on my backbend. I’d been clenching my butt and lower back to keep myself supported. My feet were also rolling in and my chest wasn’t as open as it should be. All of this time I thought because I was up in wheel I was all set (One of the reasons that yoga teaching training is life changing- pose deconstruction).
Fear is the mean girl of all emotions. She’s such a bitch. A frenemy. I’ve been trying to dump her for years. And just when I think I’ve settled into my relationship with Courage, there she is wagging her bitchy tongue. I’ve been saying for months that I need to start doing videos. Peers have said that it’s a great way to connect with people and that because of my life experience I might have something valuable to say. But I’ve been afraid to do it. Afraid that I’ll look silly, afraid I’ll look bad, afraid of ‘enter irrational fear here’. Hiding from this was pretty easy. I could focus on my blogs, throw myself into yoga teacher training and float along, that is until my backbend workshop. After the adjustment in my wheel pose, an icky feeling sat on my chest. Not pain. But fear.
I knew instantly that it was related to the video project. What I also know about myself is that it’s easy to be fearless when I know I’ll be successful. My feet are cold, frozen even when it comes to this next step. Maybe it’s because I’m really putting myself out there. It’s easy to write posts and speak to people in person, because that’s what I do. Holding that fear inside can really f*ck with your practice. And the craziest part is that you don’t even know it. Forgive my frankness, but I gotta call it like I see it.
Well, the pose feels better but now I have that video issue looming overhead. At least it’s not stuck in my hips, butt, back or heart anymore. Now to do something about it. I promised myself that I would do a video a few days ago and I haven’t. Fortunately, humiliation is still quite the motivator for me. It’s out there, I’ve told you. Can’t very well shy away from the challenge. Leaning into the fear. My pulse is quickening at the very idea. I know, I know- more reason than ever to sit in front of that camera and go for it.
This is yoga. And sometimes it’s icky. And it’s sometimes scary. But I love it.