When you are a know-it-all you have all the answers. It’s annoying, not so much because we think they have all of the answers, but because a lot the time we are right. But when we are wrong, we are really wrong.
I mean really wrong.
Four years ago I left the comfort of a career and company that I knew inside and out to do something unknown. My boss at the time said that he thought it was brave and making right move. The economy was just started to head south, but no matter what he said, he knew I’d end up okay. “Some people Oneika, are always afraid. But you never are. It’s was makes you good, and a pain in the ass.” So I left. I was off to dig in and flourish in a career that centered around operations and leadership. I felt like the world was mine.
Things weren’t what I expected. At first I thought it was because I left the comfort of a company that I knew so well. But the reality was that I was making some great moves professionally. Without a history I was free to really do things the way I wanted, and it worked. But there was a downside. I started to lose the taste for what once pushed me forward.
Office politics was no longer a game that gave me any satisfaction. My teams were great- I’ve been fortunate to work with people who taught me something every single day. Being involved with someone’s development is immensely rewarding. I loved my salary but I was working so much I didn’t feel like I could spend it. It wasn’t a rush to open a inbox and see 350 emails or have a 6am conference call. I began to realize that I was jamming myself into an old vision of what I thought I should be. I felt like I was working from ‘can’t see to can’t see’. I was late to every family function (if I showed up at all). I was more unhappy with my life than I shared. It spilled over into my love life. Looking back I was attracted to people who were a distraction from my life because I wasn’t satisfied. Not a good plan.
The problem was that I was good at what I did, so I was successfully making my personal life unsuccessful. I did complain and wonder if there was something else that I could do. I began to question if I was able to do something else. And if I all I did was work would I ever have a meaningful personal life. I wanted out. Be careful what you wish for they say. Sometimes decisions get made for you. Being a control freak I wanted to make change on my terms.
Yeah right, real change comes H.A.M.
No job, no relationship. I had the clean slate I needed but did it have to hit so hard? I think like a phoenix I’m rising and building something out of nothing but make no mistake at first I was in the fetal position.
But then came yoga. It’s more than a way to stay healthy, but it’s now what I want to do. I believe in the transformative nature so much that I want it to be the way that I give back. I started Yoga Teacher Training last week. Needless to say I’m beyond thrilled. I’m reading the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. The first line loosely translates to ‘And now Yoga’, meaning that when you start reading the student is reading in the present moment to learn yoga.
My life looks different. It’s not what I wanted 5 years ago, but today I can’t imagine doing anything else. I’m nervous about launching this business and figuring out this next phase of my life. But for the first time both sides of me are connected. Methinks it bodes well for what’s ahead. I’m grateful for the last chapter of my life, I learned so much that I can bring to whatever is next. And as I get ready for my next class I’m smiling in the now.